i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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