Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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