i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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