Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
