You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
