I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
