we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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