I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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