i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
