i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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