he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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