whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
