How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
