we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
this hospital has no fireball
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
