her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
