he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
