Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
