the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
