I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
