my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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