after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
