Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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