Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
thus making me awesome and them whores
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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