he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
