OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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