just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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