i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
