So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
