We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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