you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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