How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
