We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
