when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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