Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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