She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
