walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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