hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
