So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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