I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
