well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
