I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
