I cannot find my penis.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
