There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
