Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
