i think my mom watched the whole time
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
