Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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