I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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