He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
