Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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