she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
