Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
