After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
