I'm going to jail i love you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
